Key to Creating Healthy Conscious Relationships
I want to get really real with you today and share with you a bit about my most intimate journeys with my own relationship(s) so you can have a better understanding of your own and how you can transform those relationships in your life that might feel frustrating to you.
What I’ve learned over the past 10 years, which I share more below, of being in partnership with my husband is the importance of “self-responsibility”. I believe it to be the key to a healthy & conscious relationship whether it be an intimate partner, a friend, a family member or the like.
This can be hard to swallow. Our ego wants to blame, shame and repent the anger onto another. Understandable since this might be how you grew up watching others blame everyone else for any wrongdoing.
I want to be clear here however, this does not mean that the other person gets a free pass to blatantly abuse you or that they don’t have some “part” to play in the equation but if we can at least take responsibility for our own part in it, the healing will begin. I assure you!
I haven’t shared much about my journey with my husband here but right now, as humanity is needing more of us to wake up, especially when it comes to our relationships, it’s important for me to share with you that it has not always been easy and in fact, it’s been down right difficult at times. We’ve had our waves of amazingness and our waves of hurt, destruction and overwhelming fights, challenges and disagreements (more than I’d like to admit).
We are both two very independent yet sensitive individuals on our own paths in union with each other. This can be hard. There has been times where we even spoke of divorce yet that never felt like the right answer, no matter how bad it got.
We knew that whatever we were bumping up against was showing up for our own healing. Luckily, I am married to a man who is on his own spiritual path however the challenge has been that his looks much different than mine.
This can be tough for two people in partnership creating a life together as I’d try to reel him into my world and he’d try to interrogate me and my beliefs to prove his being the right one. In this particular area of conversation, which of course happens to be a big part of our lives individually, it was like a constant battle between right and wrong and he said/she said. What felt like, All.The.Time!
Until we both started to take responsibility as well as accept each other’s own journey even if it looked different. And now, to be honest, it actually looks very similar!
However, this isn’t all what we’d argue about … it was whatever was still wanting to be healed within ourselves that would show up in the form of a trigger … and that’s how you know something is ready to be healed. This is when “self-responsibility” needs to comes in!
I will reiterate, if you are not in partnership with someone intimately, you can relate this to anyone in your life.
What we both have learned is the following:
- Accept each other’s paths even if it looks different than yours, even get curious
- When one is triggered, take responsibility for that trigger, there is healing to take place
- If an argument does take place, take time after to retreat
- In that time of retreat – we are to listen to the inner voice and what it is telling us as to why we are “really” mad. What wound is it bringing up within us?
- When we reconvene in a calm manner, listen to each other intently – not with the lens we might often see each other with but with a new lens.
This is just an example of a few very important steps to take. We are human, we will all have moments where are ego takes and reacts rather than responds and we (my husband and I) definitely will still have those moments – though not nearly as much and one’s that won’t last as long, if at all!
It starts with taking the necessary steps thereafter to look within and understand what is really happening and you might even realize in the heated moments, as we have as well, as to what is really hurting inside.
You can use this with your partner, a family member, your boss, colleague, anyone you come up against.
Our relationships are key paths to our self-growth and empowerment. It’s when we take “self-responsibility” at all times that we can build healthy and conscious relationships in our life.
If you are struggling with the relationships in your life, know that they can be transformed. There does not need to be so much suffering.
Stay tuned for my next blog as I discuss a bit more about “discernment” and how to acknowledge when it might be time to end or release a relationship. Again, we must take full responsibility first yet this does not give the other a free pass to abuse or treat one that is in a harmful manner.
This is one of my FAVORITE topics when working with my clients and it comes up for every single one of them, especially as sensitive and empathic souls, trying to stay in their sovereign self. It lights me up to see the transformation occur in their own relationships, as their wounds heal and they begin to take responsibility for their own actions and therefore their own happiness. It’s inevitable that their partner’s will too.
If you’re resonating and you are moving through a relationship(s) challenge and you’d like support, you can click here to set up a connection call with me.
We ALL have relationships in our life and as I said, there is no reason to suffer through them! I know first hand how challenging and painful it can be and I also know first hand that it DOES NOT have to be this way!!
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