Before I had my first major breakthrough, I spent over a decade battling with my body and relationship towards self.
There was a time when I didn’t know who I was or where I belonged. I did however know how to put up a very good facade by “doing” and “being” who I thought I “should” be to earn my acceptance in the world.
As a young girl with very little confidence, I felt out of control with life and so I started taking control of the one thing I thought I could control and that was my body.
I remember looking in the mirror and staring back at me was this young woman, her face gaunt and eyes nearly lifeless. Her brow heavy in despair and joy completely wrung dry from years of obsession, overindulgence to deprivation and mustn’t we forget self-loathing.
In this moment, It was as if I was looking at a stranger who was vaguely aware of the tenuous cord tethering my shell – to my fragmented mind, body and soul. What’s happening to me?, I think. I am the victim of a body that is purely against me. Eventually I hear her whisper back at me..
“No. YOU are against your body”
It took me a long time to hear that voice and now after listening to her for quite some time now, what I realize is that it wasn’t my body against me at all. She was simply trying to speak to me the whole time. Yet I couldn’t hear her. I couldn’t even see her.
My life was filled with an internal suffering of not knowing who I am, not being able to see my true beauty and and my spirit sucked dry of its true essence. My confusion in who I am, what am I to become? Will I ever be happy with just me?… Will I ever see my own beauty in the way that I see others? If so, how the hell do I get there from here?
During this phase I incurred many slip backs in my health with digestive disorders, adrenal fatigue, hormonal imbalances, depression, anxiety, food intolerances, weight fluctuations, nerve damage and the like. I was stripped of pure nourishment on physical, emotional, mental and spiritual levels.
I felt powerless!
My wake up call!
After finding myself passed out on my living room floor was when I decided to make this so called “burdened” life into a journey of healing. I had a choice in that moment to continue to suffer or to take this opportunity to start over and create the life of my dreams.
This began not only my journey back to health but my spiritual path where teachers showed up in just the right timing and I immersed myself in deep healing work from nutrition, somatic teachings to shamanic trainings, wilderness work, dreamwork, energy healing and you name it, all to reclaim the parts of me I lost along the way of life and releasing what no longer serves me. Basically it led me on the journey of the wounded healer, suffering through my own dark times so that I could guide others with love and compassion on their journey.
I experienced many deep dark soul of the moments along the way and each, as I look back now, I can be grateful for, for the experiences I’ve gained and how they have been the catalyst for much of the work I do today.
Through this, I found my purpose, my mission and to where I began living an embodied and empowered life simply by rekindling this sacred connection with my body, my soul and my divinity.
I see my life now through the eyes of a woman with an immense amount of compassion for herself and the world around her. I no longer run from my shadow yet I fully embrace all parts of my being as well as dedicate myself to sharing this message with women around the world so that they can see their true beauty and give themselves permission to do so, and so that every woman can fully step into the fullest expression of who she is here to be knowing she is perfect and whole just as she is.
My body, my “self”… are now my allies.
They can be yours too!
To find out how I can support you, click here.